THE DIARY OF A WALKER THAT WANTS TO RUN
On Sunday I kicked off 12 weeks of The Artist’s Way - Julia Cameron and thought that this was a great opportunity to hitch another habit that I’ve been trying to cultivate with very little luck, running.
I have always harboured a secret wish to become a runner, it’s this club that I’ve never been able to get into. I see runners every day, gliding down by the waterfront and always feel stabs of jealousy. I even attach feelings like, happiness.
I would be so much happier when I run because I will be able to <insert anything of vague value here>
The funny thing was whenever I would start to create a running habit I would make up elaborate excuses or tell myself stories “I don’t have a runner’s body…” , “I don’t have the time”, “I’ve got a dodgy knee…”, “the weather really isn’t playing ball today” and so, so many more excuses and stories.
Recently though, I’ve noticed a shift. I’m not sure whether it’s because I’ve increased my meditation practice, perhaps I’m surrounded by more runners, what I think that is more likely is that my mindset is getting broken down and a new, slightly more curious, more optimistic mindset is being created. Usually I would have declared a new habit that I’d be cultivating and then I’d go and buy all the things that I '“needed” to make this habit stick. This is my tried, tested and completely unhelpful coping strategy. This time, I grabbed my holey trainers, threw on a old t-shirt, leggings and then I stepped outside and went for it.
One of the reasons that running has been so attractive to me is this exact thing. You can do it any time, anywhere with very few things that you really need. There’s no complicated equipment or rules, you can drive to scenic routes but you don’t need to. You can simply walk out the door, and off you go. You see, I’ve come to see exercise as a very different tool than I used to. It used to be this thing that I believed if I did it correctly then I would lose all of my excess weight. I would become happy, more attractive, more successful - it really did seem like the perfect ‘pill’. I put so many expectations and pressure on that when it wasn’t perfect or it didn’t achieve my goals, I would think of myself as a failure and throw the towel in, disgusted with myself. The cycle would then repeat.
After becoming a health coach, my understanding of exercise massively changed but those old faulty thought patterns are hard to shift. My rational brain knew all the research and studies, my emotional brain didn’t understand why my goals went unmet. Meditation has shifted everything. It’s brought things into alignment like never before. I’ve started to get a much better understanding of my nervous system (think fight, flight, freeze or rest, digest, renew), I understand my inner-critic, I understand intent and have connected with my body in a way I haven’t really ever before. It’s been this that has potentially changed things the most.
It doesn’t make anything easier but it does enable me to see things clearly, motivate myself when I need to the most and understand my why. These help to make a habit and strengthen those incredible neural pathways.