THE MIND / BODY CONNECTION: BODY IMAGE
AND I SAID TO MY BODY. SOFTLY. “I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND.’ IT TOOK A LONG BREATH. AND REPLIED, ‘I HAVE BEEN WAITING MY WHOLE LIFE FOR THIS.' “
- NAYYIRAH WAHEED
WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR BODY, WHAT DO YOU SEE?
Seems a simple enough question doesn’t it, but in reality it is anything but. When is the last time that you looked at your body, I mean really looked at your body and didn’t either try to ‘fix’ it, whether that’s frantically trying to tame your hair, apply perfect make-up or to furiously coax it into fitting into those jeans that you know that you used to fit into?
Is it any wonder though? In our wonderful modern world, it’s hard not to get bombarded with constantly changing messages on what perceived beauty is. Whether it’s social media, films, magazines even friends and family, for many of us, it can seem like an unrelenting nature of staged, altered pictures and impossible standards. Opinions, dictations and expectations of what a body should look like can seem overwhelming. It’s completely understandable why our rational minds can be worn down after-all, this is a multi-billion dollar industry that is hitting us 24/7. Even the most confident of us can become unnerved.
Like many, many others I have struggled with body image over the years, the idea of perfection was always out of reach. I simply wasn’t disciplined enough to reach that lofty goal, even though it was a goal that was never set by me. I’ve not been alone in this, in fact more than ever, many of us will find ourselves worrying about how we look, worrying about how we compare with others, worrying how others see us. It’s in real life and it’s always with us on our hand held devices. We are never far from potential scrutinising eyes!
Oh, and then there’s the way that these thoughts will trigger our inner critic prompting a narrative that we would never speak to others, yet we allow ourselves to sit with this negative content.
So, the big question, what is body image as there is a fair bit to unpack here!
WHAT IS BODY IMAGE?
BODY IMAGE IS HOW WE THINK AND FEEL ABOUT OURSELVES PHYSICALLY, AND HOW WE BELIEVE OTHERS SEE US. WHEN WE TALK ABOUT BODY IMAGE, THERE ARE LOTS OF WAYS WE CAN THINK ABOUT OUR BODY AND THE WAY WE LOOK.
In short, it’s a self-imposed verdict of our own image that we’ve put together from our past. We pick up belief systems from our childhood. We base the way that we feel about our body on experiences, on what others say, what we’ve seen, what we’ve heard. They are curated by our family, friends, perceived social norms and our environment. These belief systems can be positive or negative (and a running scale of everything in between).
There are four parts that make up body image:
The way you see yourself (Perceptual)
The way you feel about the way you look (Affective)
The thoughts and beliefs you feel about your body (Cognitive)
The things you do in relation to the way you look (Behavioural)
HOW CAN YOU CULTIVATE A MORE POSITIVE BODY IMAGE?
I know that for me, I’ve viewed my body differently during the different stages of my life. I was very lucky that I had an incredible experience whilst I was pregnant but after having my babies, my body image took a huge knock.
The first step that I get my clients to do is to get really honest about their perception of their body.
Then, working on an honest appreciation of their body that they really believe - there is no wins at all when we try to trick ourselves, our minds really are too clever for that!
Next is understanding how your physical body connects with the way in which you feel about yourself. Your body does not define you - I don’t say this lightly either. This is one of the trickiest parts about body image. The way that we look is one very small part of us, yet it often takes the majority of our energy and it’s a large part of how we determine our self worth.
Lastly comes the cultivation of new practices that will help us to reconnect fully with our body. These can be a combination of mental and lifestyle that are based on compassion and kindness (it may sound a bit airy, fairy but honestly, they are the most potent tools that we have. The stick never works!).
It comes down to working out how you feel. How does your body feel when you look after it? How does it feel when you nourish it and listen to it? How does it feel when you punish it? How does it feel when you neglect it or put it down?
HERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU CAN THINK ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO BODY IMAGE:
Take the time to really see yourself: when you are standing in front of a mirror, take a moment to appreciate just one thing that you see. Make sure you mean it - that part is key!
Take away temptation to compare: Work out what triggers you when it comes to body image. If you find that your social media is filled with accounts that make you feel bad, do a cull. If it’s particular shows or magazines, find something else to fill your time that makes you feel good about yourself.
Turn the thought around: if you find that the internal chatter is focused on telling you horrible things about yourself, pause, take a moment to turn it around. What was it saying to you? How can you turn it on its head?
Explore what makes you feel amazing: Take some time to work out the things that actually make you feel good about yourself. How do you like to move? What do you like to eat or drink that makes you feel good? How can you connect in with your spirit, does a walk in nature, a mediation or even watching something that makes you laugh!
Go deep: Ultimately it often comes down to working out those limiting self-beliefs. There really is no shortcut or easy fix. Working on yourself really is the one thing that you can do to build up your self-worth. There are many tools and everyone’s path is different. Journalling, meditation - it’s awareness that is the key to unlocking a lot of these things.
If you feel that you are dealing with something that is way too big and is impacting how you’re living your life then it really may help to seek out additional help as it can make all the difference when trying to break the cycle.