WHY MINDFULNESS FOR PARENTS IS SO IMPORTANT
Being a parent is hard. Really hard. It’s a constant journey of multi-tasking, bouncing from one thing to the next and literally sleeping with one eye open!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s the most rewarding and mind-blowing role I’ve ever had, but it’s also the single hardest thing that I’ve ever done. Juggling so many balls, jumping context and living in survival mode (often with very little sleep) means that we are often doing many jobs but none of them particularly well. Like I said, it’s a tough gig.
Mindfulness is a bit of a game changer when it comes to parenting. It doesn’t stop the need for multi-tasking, it does mean that it changes the way in which we view our world and allows us to stop and pause so that we can make better decisions. It also means that we can genuinely be in the moment and immerse ourselves in being parents. To enjoy all the moments, big or small, good or not so good, without judgement.
WHAT IS MINDFUL PARENTING?
It can be many things, the way I view it is that it allows us to be present in the moment. This means that we can focus on the immediate tasks that need to be done and do them well. We can also give our children our undivided attention which means we are more aware, kinder and can communicate more effectively, even if that’s to tell them hang on a minute.
One of the most important aspects for me is that it allows me to be in touch with my own feelings and emotions so that I can see theirs and act accordingly, without knee jerk reactions. This doesn’t mean I get it right 100% of the time. It means that I can switch off my auto-pilot. It means that I don’t react with frustration or annoyance because I can listen to what’s going on with my children. It means that I have a calmer mind and can enjoy being a parent, which is what it’s all about.
SOUNDS GREAT IN THEORY…
I know. It sounds like perfect world stuff. It’s important to understand that we aren’t aiming for perfection. Mindfulness is never about a perfect practice. It’s about learning to train our minds so that when we are in the thick of things, we can pause, be aware and notice what’s going on and then adjust our perspective, calmly, thoughtfully. We are effectively training to pause.
Learning how to do this is the biggest gift that we can give ourselves and our children. I know that when I notice that I’m reacting to stress, my children pick up on it immediately - even my youngest who is still a baby. When I’m calm and able to react thoughtfully, to respond with kindness (this doesn’t mean no boundaries either!) then they react in positive ways too.
THE FIRST STEP
If this is something that you would like to explore then my soon to be released mindfulness for parents workshop is a great place to start. This short course will cover:
How stress can negatively impact our parenting
How mindfulness can teach us fully see our patterns of reactivity
Mindfulness practices that will help you with communication and regulating our emotions as parents
How to use self-compassion and non-judgement when we get caught up in negative thought patterns e.g. when we compare ourselves to others or feel that we aren’t living up to expectations
Some mindful tools that have been designed specifically for children that you can use with your own family