MTHR SPACE: Exploring Hypervigilance
What is hypervigilance? What is its purpose and why it’s good to know about it in case it’s impacting your emotional wellbeing.
A couple of weeks ago I was facilitating a workshop on the mothers brain. I love learning, talking and sharing about the mothers brain because we know so little about it. I’m massively passionate about this topic because I truly believe that if we talked more about it, then when we are struggling we would feel more confident in seeking help. It would also mean that we can open up the conversation for the mothers that we love and we see struggling.
Hypervigilance was a part of the conversation that really hit a nerve with me. We hear of the signs of hypervigilance but often attribute them to something else, sometimes, even with a badge of honor! So, what are some of the potential signs?
Do you ever get a feeling that you are constantly tense, it’s an almost ‘on guard’ feeling. You find that you are very aware of other people, those around you. There body language, facial expressions. You worry that they are mad at you, talking about you, judging you. You find that you are constantly scanning for danger or things to go wrong. We sometimes put this down to being an anxious sort. Sensitive even. Maybe you’ve even labeled yourself an empath because of these feelings, taking on other people’s emotions. Could it be something else though?
One of the things that I found fascinating was the changes that our brains go through, from conception through pregnancy and beyond. Our brains move from scanning the faces of other women (our allies, our potential threats when we are without children) to scanning the faces of adult men - the potential new threat? Our remodeled brains are on the hunt for potential threats to our children - people or environmental. Makes sense, we have tiny, helpless humans that we have to keep alive. For me, I dismissed a lot of this as being remnants from dealing with previous trauma, grief and loss - for me, I believe that was a contributing factor, just not the full story.
WHAT IS HYPERVIGILANCE?
According to the Counselling Directory, it’s “a heightened state of arousal, stress or sensitivity to a certain stimuli”, it’s characterised by intense emotional reactions, anxiety and impulsive behaviour.
As I said, this all makes sense when you think about it from the point of view of being a new mother. I remember clearly going through what I can only describe as clouds of hypervigilance. These would be periods of worry and anxiousness that felt like they would never end. I had even started to worry that something fundamentally in me had changed. I went from being generally a glass half full kinda girl. I was there to see the ‘what’s the worst that could happen’ and take that leap of faith to seeing scary shadows everywhere. It was much safer to not take those leaps. I remember cuddling my little girl, luxuriating in her still there, baby smell. Her rolls, her noises, wishing for that moment to last forever. Then, before I had even realised that something had shifted, worry about her no longer being with me started to seep into my mind. I was convinced that the mere presence of these thoughts would tempt a fate that I was terrified to address. It seemed that over night my disposition, my way of seeing the world, myself — had been altered. It created a space, that space was then filled with fear, anger and an emotional rollercoaster I couldn’t get off of.
What I didn't know then ( what I wish I had known) was that I was in the midst of the most rapid and dramatic neurobiological change of my adult life - the closest that we can come to an explanation is adolescence. The disconnection to who I thought that I was (and what I’ve come to see, many new mothers feel) was at least in part a manifestation of structural and functional brain changes, intended to mold me into a fiercely protective, motivated caregiver, focused on my baby's survival. It is a change that is as old as time for us humans, one that has been handed down with each generation.
As we move through pregnancy, childbirth and into that fourth trimester, we are flooded with hormones that prime the brain for dramatic changes in regions thought to make up the maternal circuit. The areas of the brain that are impacted are those that enable a mother to multitask to meet her baby's needs, help her to empathise with her baby, and regulate how she responds to the baby or even to perceived threats.
What this can mean for us though, is that we feel like we are constantly scanning for threats, likely where there aren’t any - it’s like a false house alarm that you can’t turn off, shaping how we see ourselves and our world. We can be hit with jolts of almost primal fear - it’s no wonder that we end up feeling burnt out and exhausted. So, how can we navigate hypervigilance in a way that is safe and healthy.
NAVIGATING HYPERVIGILANCE
For me, it was to become aware of it. Even now as I type this and almost 3 years since the birth of my youngest, I still get hit with it. Each time I have learnt to ride it out, like I would if I was tip-toeing on a surfboard, on the most unpredictable of waves. Noticing as my heart begins to beat a little faster, I start seeing the world around me as a little darker, more threatening. I start to label what is happening. My thoughts, my feelings, even (potentially most importantly) the sensations in my body. I know that if I can get a little distance from my racing mind, a pause, then I can see the fear flowing through.
Then, this is the magic, I get to ask if it is real. As I type this, it seems almost hysterical in its simplicity but there is the trickiness too! Asking if it is real, I get to see clearly. I can then ground myself. I can meditate, I can breath, mindfully, controlled. Slowing down the nervous system. Allowing myself, my mind, my aching, hypervigilant mind, see that I am in fact safe. I get familiar with those physical sensations too. Add in affirmations, journaling, mindful walking. Having a toolkit to support you in motherhood is essential. There’s a term I use a LOT in my coaching, learning how to become comfortably, uncomfortable. Then, slowly things start to calm down.
This all sounds quick, but it’s not. It takes time, kindness, getting familiar with this new version of me. I also want to point out that the awareness part of all this can help you to see when you need help from others, because we all need support sometimes. You don’t need to do this alone, even in the craziest of these moments, you don’t need to do this alone.