MINDFULNESS FOR MUMS
One of the greatest gifts that you can give yourself, as a mother, new or if it’s been for some time now… is to allow yourself a mindfulness practice. Looking after your mental health. Your emotional health. This shouldn’t be a luxury, but for so many it is.
I have a passion, you may have noticed by now, for introducing mindfulness to parents. I have had a practice prior to becoming a mum and since being a mum, and it’s allowed me to thrive during times I’d previously just survived. I was lucky that I came into contact with a teacher, a guide that was able to show me how to deepen my practice and I do wish that I’d had this training early. I’ve also had the luxury of being surrounded by some gorgeous, like minded friends that I can delve into these ancient practices and make them my own. This isn’t really all that common though. It’s a privilege and for many it can seem daunting or out of reach.
Entering into motherhood, there were SO many things that I wasn’t prepared for. Sure I had a grasp of it but I most definitely wasn’t prepared. I wasn’t at all prepared to recover from a c-section, to distrust my body, to dip into the ‘mummy-blues’, sleep deprivation, the loss of who I thought that I was and what I came to regard as success. I felt very alone for much of it, still do if I am honest. It appeared that there are all of these stages, just as you become comfortable with one, you move to the next. Understanding that protecting my mental and emotional health, quickly became clear. I also know that I am one of the lucky ones with support and resources, it really does bother me that this is also not that common.
I cannot stress enough, the importance of having practices to safeguard and protect your mental health. Becoming a parent can often open you up to feeling more vulnerable than anything else that you may experience. It certainly did for me. Looking after a tiny human, juggling work / home, then there is you physical health - it can get overwhelming very, very quickly.
LOSING MY MIND & OTHER CHALLENGES
One of the shakes that I had was coming to distrust myself, my instincts, my intuition. Learning to understand the language of a newborn (breastfeeding, sleep schedules … ), looking after my recovering body, dealing with feelings of what I should / shouldn’t be doing (oh the advice!!). It sent me a little crazy. My control issues, sheesh, they flooded me daily. That and guilt, guilt over everything, even the irrational!
Mindfulness practices teach you to gently let go. To see a little clearer and listen again to the drowned out intuition. To soothe an overwhelmed and stressed out nervous system that is desperately searching the horizon for sabre-toothed tigers!
IT’S NOT A LUXURY (OR A BUZZWORD). IT’S ALSO NOT JUST FOR THOSE WITH NEWBORNS
I have spoken to a lot of mums who say that they wished that they had, had a practice with their newborns. As if this is now a practice that is far out of reach. Mindfulness isn’t just for one particular point in time, afterall, the stresses don’t disappear once you move out of that newborn phase do they? The pressures of our magnificent modern world are high, especially for many mums. Add in COVID and the today’s work expectations it can become stifling.
Mindfulness won’t magically make everything better, it’s not like that. You will still have the same stresses to face. However, the way that you see them will adjust. Mindfulness soothes an anxious nervous system and allows you to think a little more clearer. You become aware of your thoughts (do you know how often most of us don’t even realise how we are feeling and can’t name our emotions?) and you can then make decisions. Is that thought real? Do you want to spend time thinking about it? What is your expectation vs reality in this situation. It is a game changer! It gives space where previously there was none to check in. To simply breathe and then (this is the magic) to continue to grow and adapt.
HOW DO I GET ME SOME OF THIS MINDFULNESS MAGIC?
Well, I’m glad you asked! Seriously though, I honestly believe that if you start with some bite-sized mindful moments that you love, you can keep adding it into your daily routine. Don’t try for a crazy overhaul that leaves you more defeated than when you started. Have a look at the list below and maybe try incorporate one thing in for the next month. Take it slow, make it yours and enjoy it!
GET HERE, NOW - JUST BE IN THE MOMENT
It is so, so easy to become overwhelmed with all of the things that you feel you should be doing. Especially when you are at the beginning of your journey. Yes, there are things that you have to do but try and minimise your to-do list so that you don’t become consumed by it. Make a note of your non-negotiable to-do’s. These are the things that will have your life coming to a stand still if you don’t do them - be really honest with yourself here. I relax more in a tidy environment so I get the need for constantly being on, but I also know my limits now. I make a list of the must-do’s and then leave it at that. The things I’m talking about are life admin, house work, finances, health even.
Give yourself permission to let go of the reigns just a little and to spread out the things you need to do. It’s not forever, just until you get your feet on the ground and your energy up.
MAKE A DATE WITH YOU
Each week, do one thing just for you, without baby. Ok, this may have your heart rate accelerating but just stay with me. Even a half hour walk will do you wonders. It doesn’t have to cost, it doesn’t need to be complicated. Do something to remind you that you are still you. Being a parent doesn’t stop but having just a little time out will have you so excited to see your little tiny human again and have you feeling like you. Make this consistent if you can. I absolutely had to work at this and my partner would have to literally push me out of the house! It was so worth building this though and has been key in me regathering again.
My weekly consistent date is a walk. I do an hour (I aim for twice a week but know I will do it once at least) with an audio book or podcast. I have the pug with me and we get out into nature. We have little adventures. Laugh, run, walk, smile and relax. It costs me nothing but gives me everything. I have other things that I will do but they have been slowly added in over the last 4 years.
WRITE IT OUT
Morning pages. I cannot begin to tell you how profound these have been for me. First thing in the morning, 3 pages and boom! I start my day feeling in control because I know how I am doing that morning. Doesn’t matter what you write, I will often have lists, thoughts, emotions, rants and even my one thing that my future self will thank me for doing that day (yep, it’s a thing!). It gets my crazy out of my head and on the page. I started doing this in our second lockdown and I’ve stuck with it. I came up with all sorts of excuses but I was doing this with a group as part of the Artist’s Way and was challenged to get it done (thank goodness!).
MEDITATE - SIT WITH THE THOUGHTS
Meditation is my non-negotiable. You already know this, but it has to be on this list. I do believe that this ancient practice is the thing that has kept me, me. I have meditated whilst getting my babies to sleep, whilst feeding, before sleep, first thing in the morning, in the car, on the beach … when my world is spinning, it’s the first thing that I do.
Start small, get consistent and aim for 20 mins a day (twice a day if you want to master it and to see big changes). Seems unachievable to start with but carving out this time will get you where you want to be faster. I do it in front of the kids, they know I practice and have come to respect it too.
That is the list to start with. Try one for a month. What jumps out to you? What are you struggling with at the moment? I would love to hear from you.