MTHR SPACE - SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW

MOTHERHOOD IS THE ULTIMATE REINVENTION

Well, it was for me at least! There is so much that I read about motherhood before having kids. The advice (solicited and unsolicited) that I was given and there was even a decent amount that came to me through guess work and common sense. The one thing that was a complete and utter surprise was how I finally realised that I had a lot in common with Madonna and her love of reinventions!

After my first baby there was a disconnect. I wasn’t feeling completely like myself. Things that used to matter didn’t seem so important. Things that I used to be able to do easily, I couldn’t. My body didn’t seem like my own, even the friends that I used to confide in the most, I didn’t. I had even lost all control over time itself. My confidence levels were out of whack and my hormones - well, to put it mildly they were all over the place. This didn’t happen overnight, it was gradual and then with my second baby it seemed to be compounded!

I began to realise that I had to make some decisions because carrying on like this wasn’t working for me. In part, I was mourning a life that I knew I didn’t totally want. On the other, I realised that I didn’t really know what it was that I did want, actually I didn’t know who it was that I really wanted to be. All I knew is that everything around me was moving forward, except for me.

I needed to reinvent myself, from the material stuff (my wardrobe wasn’t even something that felt like familiar territory, and I have a passion for fashion - sorry about that, but the statement is still true!) to how I was thinking and acting. I could see that there were triggers, thought patterns and behaviours that were holding me back and even I was unimpressed with them. I felt like there were two versions of me, the one pre-kids and the new one who I didn’t really know well.

So, I started to accept this new world and I made a decision that I would do nothing. I would take some time to get familiar with the new me and this new life. In a way I was helped by Covid, the global pandemic hit when I was on my second maternity leave and it forced me to dig deeper and it effectively gave me a time out, which I took.

It’s not a quick process but that’s part of the fun once you make the decision to accept your new world. I also realised that it’s not just mums that are dealing with issues like this. I was able to reflect back and could see that there were other examples in my own life where I had to reinvent myself and everything worked out well. I was able to even adapt certain tools that I had used in the past for this new and latest reinvention and I even found myself a couple of guides / teachers that have helped me navigate this shift and I strongly recommend that for anyone else that finds themselves in the same situation. Find someone or multiple someones that can help you and support you as you reconnect with yourself. The tools that I used have been mindfulness tools and meditation is a key stone. Learning my new authentic code and working out what my limiting thought patterns are, my less than perfect behaviours and triggers and how to change my perspective and focus.

There is a lot that is said about motherhood but there’s not a lot on the fact that as a mum, you need to navigate a path that brings you back to yourself and that can look like a whole new person and ultimately make you confront the past. Don’t let that stop you though. Confronting the past and looking at the things that are holding you back are just a couple of the gifts that come with motherhood. You get to make choices and decisions, the only things standing in your way - space and you. If you can navigate those then you get to live a life that you absolutely love!

Struggling with your journey? Trying to work out who you are (whether it is motherhood or not) reach out, let’s have a chat and see if 1-on-1 coaching is right for you.